How It's Supposed to Be

All too often, we have a vision of how our lives are supposed to unfold that was given us by our parents, our religion, the media, the education we receive, or even the friends we have. The problem that frequently arises is this may not at all be in harmony with our dharma. Dharma is a Sanskrit word that is the most commonly used and most important term in Buddhism.

“Dharma is the underlying, substratum of reality—of our lives and of our world. It is the ultimate and primordial fact of who and what we are.” (1) We all have a concept of what reality is, and that may or may not match up with what is actually occurring on our lives. Dharma, however, is about uncovering our “true nature”. This level of understanding of the self involves a recognition that what we most essentially are has no beginning and no end.

Our existence is comprised of a multitude of thoughts, perceptions, and occurrences. This frequently devolves into preconceptions and wishful thinking. What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be. This societal construct, is perhaps one of the most sinister thieves of our happiness. Many people suffer throughout their lives due to holding onto to images of what they believed their life was destined to be, only to find out it wasn’t. I believe these are the critical junctures we all must face, and how we choose to do so, makes the difference.

What seems to happen in time to all of us is that the unreality of our fixed views shows up, slaps us hard in the face, and sometimes results in a breakthrough. Sadly though, not always. You see, dharma presents in unexpected ways and times, in my opinion to wake us up. It could be a sudden illness, a breakdown of a relationship, or unexpected death. It could also be hidden in some of the more mundane events of life such as the light that fails to turn on when we flip the switch, a flat tire, and an unanticipated phone call. The cumulative effect of these dharmic events is to act as disruptors, proclaiming the unreality of our beliefs and conceptions.

Herein lies the key, we can fall victim in such moments, exercising our choice to avoid or deny and pretend things are otherwise. This leads us down the road of “how its supposed to be”, which I am proposing creates confusion, bondage, suffering and even negative karma. Or, we can learn to eliminate such suffering by learning to dissolve the one who suffers; that would be you. This is accomplished by learning to live in the present moment. The practice I have found most beneficial in accomplishing this is meditation. In time, this practice helps you to see the ambiguities of life through a new lens. The nuances and subtleties of life become more manageable and less disruptive.

In conclusion, I leave you with a quote from Manly P Hall:

“They wander in darkness seeking light, failing to realize that the light is in the heart of the darkness”

May we all learn to be in the present moment.